|It was almost a year ago that I wrote about the blog entry ‘This is Me’. I planned on coming out of “the cave” and escaping it. Embracing who I am and what I can do. Given that I am only just adding to my blogs now, at the start of 2019, may suggest that escaping the cave is harder than it appears. I’d have to agree with that.|
My plan to step forward and be ‘me’ was very well intentioned but doing just that is hard. I have fluctuated between being confident to embrace what it is I want to achieve through to questioning if I am good enough. If what I am doing is even a good idea.
Over the course of these past months, I’ve had to journey through panic attacks, episodes of depression and the nagging, questioning voice of ‘Who do you think you are to be doing this? or ‘Who’d want to listen to you? Are you good enough to do this?’
At times, it seemed that this cave I was hiding in was actually a maze. Every time I tried to open a door, I found it to be locked tight. These past few months have been tough – I can’t deny that. I can’t hide from that fact. I wish I could tell you that there was something I have found. Some great grand miracle but I have learned a lot. I have learned a lot by reflecting but also from those around me. People I see every day fighting their own battles.
What I am learning though is that every episode of depression, every panic attack and every moment of anxiety has become something of a learning experience. That in dealing with it, I am learning more about myself. I no longer fear them. I accept them and embrace them knowing that I will learn something. Maybe that is just my way of coping but it seems to be working for me…and that is okay.
Through some dark moments I have learned to begin to love myself. Now, nearly a year ago I couldn’t even say the word love never mind type it. I am learning to love myself through owning my story.
The aim of this website is connection but also to forge a sense of true belonging and in order to do that it is important to say that: It is okay not to be okay.
Everyone struggles. People fight battles no one else sees or even knows about.
I am normally a deeply private person but I am going to try and share more of these battles.
Over the coming weeks and months, I will look to add more of these blogs. Share more of what I have learned. Over the past year, I have spent a lot of time reflecting but also talking with others. Common themes have come forward. If you are all willing; I would like to explore them.
I hope you’re willing to come with me on this journey.